Hong Kong Police Crack the Case

Hong Kong Commissioner of Police explained the reasoning behind the recent push from police into one of Hong Kong’s most well-traveled malls, New Town Plaza in Sha Tin:

“We were wondering how possible that protesters in such large numbers could constantly leave shops and their wares untouched, unvandalized. Today the truth comes out.”

The Commissioner spoke behind a podium with a pasty white spot where his watch should have been.

“You see, we realized there was no possible way that the youth of Hong Kong were truly interested in such abstract concepts of free will and democracy, and to be honest, since I live in a fine apartment and so do all of my friends, we also determined that their calls  for some sort of future and fairness regarding property were also equally bogus. Upon further investigation, we realized that the ones truly benefiting from all of these protests were actually the stores in the area that profited from hungry marchers. Those that we tried to drive out of the plaza were actually all co-conspirators, yes, even the children and those having family dinners.”

The Hong Kong Police left us a brief comment when we reached out to inquire about accusations of violence:

“Have you ever seen a three year old have a tantrum? Weak, sure, but imagine ten of those, six times older. Hitting them is great stress relief.”

When we asked for further comments and for identification of the officer who had replied, we were told that there was no space in the email for such information to be displayed.


This is satire. Hong Kong is going through some protests right now. I may write more of these in the future.

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